I just had a heart to heart with my mother-in-law...which has never happened before...and the only explanation I can think is that she was sent as an angel...to help me. I don't know what happenend...she just asked "why are your eyes so sad"...and the tears started to flow...and she just listenend...and I married her son...the one person I try to avoid with my feelings because I don't want to upset him...
she was so loving...caring...sitting with her arms wide open...i could not even tell my own mom all these feelings...i'm always trying to protect those around me...and tonight...i still cannot believe i told her every single feeling within my heart...and i cried...without thinking about it...
i suffer of the not invented yet syndrome...i want someone to invent a button in my brain where you can just press the off button...your brain/feelings/memories just shuts down...and when you wake - up...all is new..life begins...i know that is the silliest idea ever...but tonight i would have loved to press that...
i don't want to be so emotional...i don't want to hurt so much...i don't want to feel all these feelings over and over again...every day...i don't want to hide them...i don't really want to share them either...i just want to be. content. i just want to be content with me, my feelings, where i am.
i also know that none of the above is going to happen before i don't feel all of these...i know i have to feel, cry, share, hurt all over again to be able to heal...i know the time is here as well...i just don't think i want to...not yet...but i have to.
i think her words openend my heart for all of these feelings... she makes me want to share...
tonight i want to lie down in a field of stars...where hurt is dealt with and dreams come true...xx
Tuesday, 18 December 2007
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6 comments:
Hello,
I am so sad for your hurt feelings, for the tender emotions that are leaving you a bit bruised... but I am so thankful that someone wrapped their arms around you and allowed you to cry. I'm thankful you cried and got some of it out. This should definitely help you while you lie in your field... this should help you clear some of the sky in your world allowing the path to your dreams to shine bright and strong.
Love you so very much.
(((HUGS))),
Love,
Me
THANK YOU for your sweet comment tonight. i'm glad to hear that you had someone, even someone unexpected, give you the strength to cry. (((hugs)))
A Christmas angel dressed as your mother-in-law...
how beautiful that she was there to listen and to hold and support you.
Please know our hearts are so tender toward all you are feeling... you are much loved beautiful one.
xoxo
Your statement of just wanting to be content resonates so much, because this is exactly what I have been declaring for years...."I just want to be content." Sometimes it seems so unfair (if that is the correct word) that somehow we can not fulfill this simple request for ourselves.
I am sorry for your hurt and your tears and I applaud you for sharing this with us and I am sending you warmth and hugs, because I KNOW. Love to you.xoxo
i am so happy that you were able to connect with your mother-in-law in this way ~ having someone to talk it all out with is such a beautiful blessing, understanding and love :) i hope you find a field of stars that fill your heart with beauty ... love, xox
I have been so sad these past days... You are a light in my life Tonight...
thank you... yes, I am crying.
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