let's travel*

Istanbul! I'll go to Istanbul. 

Where would you go? 

love thursday*

on this beautiful, rainy love thursday* i love...

*  clear blue skies

*  open roads

*  wind pumps

*  the Karoo

*  clear skies filled with stars 

*  the 'nothingness' of everything

*  dirt roads

*  music

*  Steers

*  spring time

*  frost

*  possibilities

*  love

*  thursdays

*  love thursdays* (teehee!) 

a full circle moment*

At this precise moment, with Kellen running ahead of us, stopping, looking around, laughing, calling 'come mama, come papa'... I looked over to M3, my heart exploding with joy and realized, this here, right now is a full circle moment for me! 

About 11 years ago, M3 and myself went away for a weekend. We were engaged at that stage and we stayed in Simons' Town for the weekend, playing golf and having delicious meals in town, being young and silly! :-) 

During our stay there we went to Boulder's Beach to look at the penguins.  Being oh! so very much in love with this man, we dreamed together of 'one day' when we have children to come show them the penguins, laughing and talking about what their reactions were going to be, not knowing at that stage that we were going to wait 9 years for our little boy.  

During the long wait, you forget about all the dreams that you had for your little ones.  You pray and hope, but never dare to dream about the dreams of when they are there. It hurts too much. 

Giggle* at this stage we had to protect the penguin, cause Kellen held his hand out and said: 'Come Penguin, bite me'  He (the penguin) just duck down and ran! 

Having a little boy, so full of heart and life! is the most amazing feeling, the most amazing experience I have ever had.  Hearing him laughing, calling me 'mama', realising that I've dreamed of this precise moment before, truly makes my heart go round and round.  

When last have you had a full circle moment? Cause they come in moments...that moment when you think...'aahhh...but i've been here...i know this feeling?' Do you dare to dream? 

“Ummon addressed the assembly and said, “I am not asking you about the days before the 15^th of the month.  But what about after the 15^th? Come and give me a word about those days.”  And he himself gave the answer for them:  “Every day is a good day.” – Blue Cliff Record, case 6 (from Momma Zen, Karen Maezen Miller). 

Every day is a good day!

whispers*

The past few weeks I've been thinking often about our life...my life...and the life of our son.  It has been busy, crazy busy.  A year ago I was thinking about what to do with my life, where am I going to, I had so much time on my hands.  Today, I won't change places with anybody in the world - I want to be right here, in my bed, beside my amazing husband...:-) giggle*...waking up with our little boy in between us! giggle* (I can just hear the advice/disapprovement of some.... smiling eyes*) 

I've been thinking and reading often about Rebekah's journey to becoming the mommy of Ty...and Denise's journey to her son Cedar...thinking about tiny, little babies...how different their journey must be compared to mine who became a mommy of an 'instant' 18 month old...whom is now 29 month's old. In a little bit over a month, Kellen will be living with us for a year...the thoughts and feelings around this benchmark is enormous, and even though it feels so enormously big, it is 

just ..

pure 

honest

wordless

love.  

Heart -to-heart,

connected, 

no words, 

too many thoughts.

just,

pure 

honest 

love.

This last week things have changed...Kellen is much more cuddly and snuggles up to me all the time.  When it is bedtime, he wants me to stay with him to cuddle...to whisper 'I love you's where as the past few months he fell  asleep on his own...he started brushing my cheek with his...and will stare into my eyes with such love...it feels as if he totally gets what I'm feeling.  He has this new thing - 'mama - hou maag vas' which means 'mama, put your arm around my tummy, hold me'. Sometimes he will lie facing me, placing his hands on my cheeks, brushing up and down...smiling at me...falling asleep....opening his eyes quickly..just to make sure he is still looking into my eyes'..teehee...i adore this little boy...

Maybe it is because nothing else matters.  When he looks into my eyes, the world can come to an end, he is all that matters at that precise moment.  'Living in the moment' has new meaning to me...Kellen is currently sleeping next to me in the bed.  We had dinner with my brother and sister-in-law and he wanted to fall asleep in our bed...in this moment it is the best place on earth. Right here, nestled underneath his mommy's wing...legs right against mine...cheek against my arm...his warm breath flowing into my heart with every breath...

Thinking of Denise now who wrote about mushy mommy brain when you get a baby...it happens when you get any age baby...I have random thoughts, all pure love for this little man who is right now moving over to his daddy, cuddling with him..it is only love. Looking at M3, the love he has for our little boy...M A G I C A L ! 

I believe in magic...

and angels...

HOPE is everywhere...

in our hearts...  

In the miracle that is he.

He has a way that he pouts his mouth when he sleeps...

no words...

just 

this overwhelming 

feeling 

of 

pure

love xx

best shot monday*

Tea...cupcakes...pearls...feathers....ties....giggles....

best shot monday*

Life is messy, but oh! so good! 

wished upon a star*

dreams do come true...

what have you wished for lately? xx