broken*

i'm good.

i love my work.
the time i spend with m3.
i love going home.
i love reaching out.
i love all the little details in life.

i'm looking forward to this weekend - going to spend time with 3 beautiful girls.

but today is tough. my heart skips an extra beat when i work with j. (a 5 year old boy with autism). he is having an emotional hard time the past few weeks. he tells met the whole time:
'i'm broken. i want to be mended, i'm broken. i broke my mommy. i want my mommy.'

i've tried everything. at the moment i'm at my last resort just comforting him, holding him on my lap, rubbing his arm, back and head while on my lap... it helps, but just for a moment.

my heart breaks everytime he gets upset. the pleading, the sound of desperation in his voice when he say the above, the total sadness in his voice... this all breaks my heart.

why am i writing about him today?

it's a feeling of not knowing what to do... of wanting to take him home, to comfort him and to surround him with love... with cuddles... making stories where we go to space... or going on a journey on a train.

i want to get him a pair of socks for every day. clean clothes and baths full of bubbles.

i want to hear his giggles again...xx