Silence

My family left this afternoon @ 2pm. It was a time of absolute abundance with many stories to be told, memories to bring up and love all weekend long! I felt spoilt. This morning my best friend, A and her husband A came along for breakfast and I felt as if I was flying above all the clouds...being spoilt with having people who love me just for who I am, and who I love, around me!

Then tonight, when the house was cleaned and all the evidence of family and loved ones packed away...in came the silence...and the mind starts jumping....like skipping with a rope, but getting your feet caught inbetween the rope with every jump. It's as if the whole world close down on you and it's only you and your mind...this is a place I don't like. In here I feel scared and lonely...I sent my friend a message telling her how I felt and she just replied with...'you ARE enough'...which opened the world again...but I find it difficult to be who I want to be every day.

I wonder in times like tonight why I'm scared to alone with myself - I use to love it. Think it has something to do with allowing the universe to talk and me receiving whatever it is giving to me..

I came across this website tonight which started 'stirring the mind'. At first it was all positive and energized emotion because I sometimes think this is what I want to do...then I think of my best friend and husband who would never in a million years do it...then I wonder am I suppose to 'not do it'...will I be able to do it is someone phone me now and say pls join us? Then I wonder what am I suppose to do!!! I think of this amazing brave women who are doing it and not waiting (like me) for 'things to happen'. I wonder so many times what made her decide to go, how did she pack up and left for Afghanistan and then I wonder what traits do you as a human being have to have to be able to work in extremely difficult conditions.

I think I'll just go and sit with 'silence' for a while...maybe if I sit long enough, and listen I'll receive an answer...good night!

xox