Hiding places there are innumerable,
escape is only one,
but possibilities of escape,
again,
are as many as hiding places.
~Franz Kafka (1883-1924)
I've been hiding from myself...and the world...for the past 10 months...because I'm scared I'll fall to pieces and would not know how to pick myself up...I don't have friends close by that would help me to pick myself up...
I have mislead myself to believe that I have no reason to be angry at anybody...or anything.
I have to be positive, and alive! and greatful (Pixie's spelling!) and thankful...because of a million reasons I don't have time to name right now.
I have to be positive, and alive! and greatful (Pixie's spelling!) and thankful...because of a million reasons I don't have time to name right now.
I've been protecting the ones I love...from myself...I would think, from themselves....always trying to be strong and positive and the best example.
Tonight, I received an email (about my business in SA)...and it gave me a reason to be angry. To really, really be angry...and the first thing I did was laugh...because it is actually hilerious that they would think that I would be happy with the result....and then I got angry. I did not express it...but I felt it in my chest...and it felt good...and I realised that I have not allowed myself to feel any anger towards any feeling that I had. I just expressed the sadness towards all the feelings.
That instant of anger felt so good...it felt raw! and bold! and there! and it felt good.
I called it an instant of anger...because it has swifted again...gone! I use to get very quickly angry, talk about it and let it go....a few times a day...and the last year...I cannot remember getting angry over anything.
I don't want to hide anymore. I don't believe that this will involve any anger...but I want to be true to who I am....and not always try to live life to the best of my ability, always trying to just see the good and the positive things in my life! I'm tired of 'keeping it all together'...tired of asking all these questions in my head....'is it necessary to get sad/angry about that?'...I just want to feel the emotion...and live it! xx
11 comments:
Live it all my friend,
by all means see the good, find it, breathe it, love it...
but never chastise your self for living the rest too...
You are free
And the free bird allows life to breathe her into flight...
all of this beautiful, crazy, painted life..
My love to you, Maithri.
Yes! Live it all. Life is not complete without it. And what an adventure it is :) xoxo
i agree with living it all. feeling it all. without having to fully understand it all.
i would like to be a friend close by who could help pick you up. i'm not close, but if i ever make it down your way while i'm living in london, i would absolutely love to meet you.
hugs
Saying yes to what is, and our whole selves, is hard. I know. I get it.
And yet, as you captured here, when we don't let ourselves live it all, it does not go away, just underground.
What a moment, to just let the feeling, the anger, have its bodily sensation, and not be destroyed.
And I know well this feeling of holding things together, for fear if you opened juts a crack it would all fall apart.
I see you.
much love.
Yes I agree show your anger/emotions. I let go allot of my anger last night. I can only keep quiet and go with the flow for so long and then people have to hear me. They heard me...ha...ha.
Yes be true to yourself always be true to yourself!!
yes, this living inside a skin wrapped too tightly, cutting of emotional circulation...it's good to stretch and give yourself some space. bless you as you feel your way.
It is a part of you, mi Amor, and deserves to be expressed. Never hide from the emotions that come to you, nor hide them from the world... it is your right to be angry at times, just as it is your right to be happy, sad, ALL of it!
(((HUGS))),
Love,
Me
:-)
Anger and sadness and pain and all the other messy imperfect emotions we feel are so vital to who we are and to where we are going.
You need to feel these things and to let them out... it is okay... it is important.
And you are never alone in your feelings or your heart.
You have so many of us that love you so much and appreciate ALL of you, every little bit.
So please, let these things surface and see the light of day so that you may walk in deeper freedom and joy!!
hugs and squeezes...
xoxoxo
Oh me too with the sea, the ocean, the need for the waves and tides.
And I loved this story of your rebellious streak, coming out and bringing you to your love.
its important to acknowledge all our bits i think ... live it baby!! xox
Hello, beautiful, you...I'm here to catch up (last couple of weeks had me behind in blog-reading)... Here's to JUST FEELING...it's so easy for us to get caught up in whether or not we 'should' feel something. Good for you for reaching that place of just feeling it...period. xoxo
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