strings of thought*

Free.

I've been climbing rocks...

facing fears...

excelling above my own expectations...

(but knowing my heart I can do it)

I've been visiting my sister...

my memories...

my heart...

I've been playing with K...

I've been living.

It's over.

When I was 7 years old we went to Heroldsbay

with my grandma and grandpa.

It was the first time we were allowed to go alone to the

beach with the neighbours. I remember sitting in the little waves,

as it was pulling back, my legs were covered in 'bloublasies'.

I cried all the way home. My grandma put me in a bath with vinegar,

I put on my new pajamas that i got for xmas,

and was extra spoiled the rest of the day.

I felt special.

How many times have I used 'bloublasies' to

just hear 'i am loved'?

I wonder how many times

Life is shiny! Open! Life is gorgeous!

You just have to look!

Every morning I would open the curtains,

go out on the deck and just stand there,

admiring the beauty right in front of me.

Gratefulness...thoughts coming to my mind...

gratefulness...

Peaceful...

I feel peaceful...

I am unique.

While walking on the beach today

I passed this big rock covered in sand.

On top, right in the middle, on a bed of soft sand

laid one little rock.

I heard the rock saying

you are unique.

you matter.

you are perfect.

Hiding.

I realised I've been hiding behind

the pain of stuttering, of insecurities,

I've been hiding behind the pain of infertility,

of wishing and hoping and wishing more!

I've been hiding behind the

thorns of anger, and sadness,

of feeling scared...but always hoping.

I've been hiding behind 'not knowing',

not knowing where I'm going,

not knowing who I am,

not knowing what I want.

I've also been hiding from living.

Calmness surrounds me...

my own insecurities lurking in the background.

Luckily for me i have friends who

give me clarity,

who reminds me that i am loved.

I see things clearly now.

It feels as if I've done some

letting go this week...

of insecurities, uncertainties.

I see friends connect and giggle,

and I release myself into the universe.

for that same connections,

for that same love.

I 've decided to :

take myself lightly,

to laugh at myself,

to giggle more,

to listen more,

to trust my intuition.

To trust myself,

that I am enough.

*i'm breathing out...as all this is new to me...teehee xx