magical thinking*

I have a friend in England who is in her sixties, but has the soul and heart of a teenager! She told me one day 'life is good!' She was right!

I've been wondering why and where and for what reason do i blog, don't i blog, am i here, for what reasons do i disappear, what is the difference to a year back, where, what, how, when?

Today, life is good. I'm living my life. In the day I work passionately with 3 to 4 year olds... in the evening i'm mommy to Kellen and wife to M3. I love my life. The sun is shining! Every now and then the wind is softly whispering through the trees the promises of dreams that come true...

These past few months we've been walking some paths.... physically and emotionally. Each our own. Kellen growing and discovering and experiencing every tiny detail. Already speaking every word you can think of in both Afrikaans and English. Whenever he speaks to strangers, he automatically speaks in English. His first question is always 'what is your name, what are you doing?" He is the light in my heart, the torch on my road to where I want to go. He fill me up in a way that is hard to describe. We throw each other with 'fire kisses'..teehee... which is magical!

We swam in ice cold rivers... drank water from streams where the water was so pure we were wondering how to take it home with us.

We climbed some mountains. This one was Kellen's first and he loved it, except that he was just the right height to walk not through but into the thorn bushes. He was brave and strong and very determined to do it all by himself. I'm so proud of him. One of these mountains is emotional, I'm still climbing, hanging on for life, it sometimes feel, but determined to reach the top.

The light came in... my life has been lit up! It is bright and beautiful! In the beginning of the year I was thinking that I'm too scared to let the light in...what if something dims it again... M3 said one word: 'equilibrium'. I smiled at him and went to sleep. The light has been bright and quite amazing!

Kellen's been opening and closing gates all.by.himself. He is getting sooo big. We want to keep him small. Are we allowed to do that? Teehee... he is so cute! :-)

Change and unfamiliar things has been plenty. We embrace it.

Discovering new things and things that are alive! We were reminded in a big way that

'we are alive'! We are living this beautiful and gorgeous life!

Traveling is my passion. We get in the car and we go.... wherever the road is taking us. This little piece of green down below is a little town called Wupperthal. We took the road across the mountain to get home... it took us 6 hours (instead of the usual 2.5). It was fabulous! daring and adventurous. I feel most alive when i'm traveling!!!

In Wupperthal all the houses looks like this one... old and beautiful!

These people work in their vegetable gardens and sell their veggies to the locals or the tourists. Every 'stoep' has bags of onions hanging...with a little smile peeking out from behind!

On the left is Jan Petrus and on the right Willem Johannes. They were born in Wupperthal.

They will die in Wupperthal.

I've been drinking and eating and soaking up this little sweet face from the top of his head to the last little toe on his foot. He makes me laugh out loud, he makes me think twice before I do/say something. He is the most amazing little human being. We've been blessed with him... the other day we were talking about fruit and where it came from. He asked me where does watermelons come from... etc. Then he asked me where does he come from. I made a little joke and said I picked him from an apple tree. He looked at me with a smile on his face and said: 'mama, i'm not an apple'. teehee... i told him that we've prayed for a little one for 9 years and God sent us him.

Exploring is one of our all time favorite activities. We ask as many questions as we can think off.... now where were we...teehee :-) He remembers every little detail.

We drove miles and miles around our country... this little guy asking us to show him on the map where we live and where we are going to... i trust that i'm installing adventure and passion for travel into his little heart... there is so much to discover...

We swam. In the sea. In a dam. In rivers. In mountain pools. We swam and swam until our skin became like old-people's skin...all ruffled and white. I can 'disappear' when i swim... when i dive under the water my life disappear and it is just me and the sounds of nature... i love it

This photo was taken for an american beauty, Michelle. I dugged my toes deep into the sand, saying praises of gratitude for all my beautiful and amazing friends! I love you xx

Running and playing on the beach...whenever we have the opportunity. Life is too short to wait for tomorrow. Do it today, stand up, take yourself and do it now! What is stopping you? Go do it now! I dare you!

I once received 2 cd's from a 'new friend' in the UK. I listen to this music daily. For me it connects me to my soul. While we were living in the UK, it was the only time that I allowed myself to sit with all my 'stuff'. Whichever feeling/emotion arose, I embraced it and sat with it. It took me 31 years to allow myself to do just that. For this reason, i believe, we were send to the UK - so that i can sit with my stuff, in preparation to become a mommy...wow.... it.is.amazing!

My friend is in my thoughts every single day. She knows me. i miss her.

This past December I asked Kellen what is daddy's name and he said 'daddy Cel'. I asked him what is my name and he said:'mama work'. I nearly rolled the car. I wanted to burst out in tears. At that exact moment i knew my word for this year is 'balance'. Phew... i still get goosebumps when i think about this. for this reason, i've started to work harder during the day so that i can spend the evenings with him and his daddy. another reason why i've not been here. teehee...having too good of a life i think! :-) my pedicure... yummy... a very enthusiastic little 3 year old who wants to paint his mamma's toenails!

I've been noticing all the beauty around me... the beauty in my friends... my surroundings... my family.... my life. right here, right now. i've been noticing all the small things... and big things too. allowing myself the time and giving myself the permission to notice these things has been a lesson all on it's own. my life is beautiful, it is full of color.

March 2007. this photo was taken the evening before we left on a plane for England. Thoughts of us, of our life, of how different it would have been if we stayed in the uk, how would it have been different, a little nose nestling in my neck reminding me that we took the best option for us... we trusted in God and followed fate and we evolved into a family! a dream come true. can we choose again, we'll take the same option. most of my thoughts about the last 2 years is more about the love i have for this man. we've been together since January 1993. he gets me. totally. i love him xx

Reminding me of dreams coming true... when you become a photographer, whether professional or just for fun, there are certain photos you put up as goals to take. This was one of mine. a photo of little birds sitting on a wire... mmmmm... was such fun snapping these... another dream coming true.

'how delightfully

the fishes

are enjoying themselves',

exclaimed Soshi.

'You are not a fish',

commented his friend,

'how do you know

that the fishes

are enjoying themselves?'

'You are not myself',

answered Soshi;

'how do you know,

that i do not know,

that the fishes

are enjoying themselves?'

Taoist dialogue

My life is good.

I wonder why we try to be someone else, or live through someone else's lives.

Each of our lives are uniquely amazing.

Embrace it and love life itself! xx