done did

Found this beautiful photo on www.kindovermatter.com

done did list. just found this sweet way of making a list of your day, that through the mids of the chaos, you found the safety! Here is my list:

• got up at 6am, showered, get dressed, did not do my hair as electricity was off...so it took more imagination today! :)
• packed Kellen's lunchbox
• collect all my things for work and left the house tippy toe as to not wake Kellen and M3
• arrived at work at 07h45 and started the smiling game...all part of the job! I just try to do it from the heart
• organised some cleaning within the school
• help feeding the babies
• put babies to sleep
• took toddler to other school for speech therapy
• stopped at my house to put a load of sheets from school in the washing machine
• picked up little toddler from speech therapy and take back to school
• (before i left the school this morning, i think i had 2 cups of tea!)
• 11am - left school to do some admin at home
• 11.30 - pick up my dad to pay a hospital account
• 12h30 - take dad to different hospital to see 2 doctors
• 13h00 - see doctor 1.
• have lunch with my dad downstairs in hospital
• hang around and talked...it is my mom and dad's anniversary today...the first time he had to write 'widower'
• spoke to my sister. They live in a very small seaside town on the east coast and one of her close friends was shot right in front of her pharmacy. Jean was 34 years old, dad to 3 children and an he was an amazing husband...he died on Tuesday on his way to the hospital. My sister is supporting her friend and her children...(my sister totally out of her comfort zone, but doing great! I'm so proud of her)
• spoke to my brother. Asked if he will be able to take my dad to the hospital on Friday. He just said no.
• Dealt with internal guilt/not understanding/letting go of taking sole responsibility for my parents
• 15h00 - see doctor 2
• feel relieved as they can do an mri on friday
• so grateful that my dad is a doctor, who is friends with other doctors, which makes me sleep more peaceful knowing that he is in the best hands
• 15h30 - go to doctor 3. no space available - has to come back tomorrow.
• raced back to where we live.
• dropped my dad off and made him some tea
• raced to school
• breathed out...and smiled.
• worked and cleaned
• listened to my sister again talking her heart out
• 17h45 - went home
• played with Kellen and M3
• had supper - yum!
• bathed kellen
• 19h30 - went to my dad to see if he is ok and in need of anything
• 20h00 - went home
• 20h30 - put kellen to bed
• 21h00 - chatted with M3
• 22h10 - read emails and ready to do some work.
• 22h40 - decided to blog..teehee...
• 22h51...think it is time for bed...sweet dreams! xx

routine established*

As from a week ago Kellen 'wants' to brush his teeth about 5 times a day...without me asking him to do it...magical! and scenic and oh so hilarious!

mwah!

a few things that make me happy*

* the softness of friends

* words that make me breath

* my little sweetie pie of a boy

* when he asks me 'did you miss me mommy?'

* soft raining falling outside for the past 2 days

* the promise of summer

* memories

* to be busy

* silence

* happy people

* yellow daisies

* photography

* wish upon a star

what makes you happy?

have you been happy lately?

it is the small things, don't you think?

today*

i

met

an

angel

sometimes everything goes perfect*

My dad, Sue (sister) and her son Morgan who is 3 years old now, Elizma, my sister-in-law,

William, the groom, my mom, me and M3

(Photo taken in January 2007)

This past week I've missed my mom more than ever. Looking through photos tonight I remembered the day my mom, myself and Elizma went 'wedding shopping'. We had a long list of things that we still need to get for the wedding and when we got in the car it seemed as if it was going to be a long day.

Elizma and I decided to get a wheelchair for my mom, then we can walk a bit faster and cover more shops that way, also we will be more equipt to look after her. My mom have this tendency to 'get lost'. Whenever we went to the shops, one of us had to watch her. She loves browsing and moving and then just like that...she disappears! Teehee!!! It was actually funny....but when you are in a hurry, and you ask her to PLEASE stay with you, she'll start browsing. :-) Then, when someone ask where she is, we would just pull up our shoulders and say 'she's lost' as if it is the most common thing on earth.

It was a fabulous day! Within a few hours, and with the first try/search we found:

1. A skirt and blouse for my mom for the wedding

2. shoes that doesn't hurt her feet

3. Wedding shoes for the bride

4. a dress for me (in which i felt so beautiful and confident)

5. shoes (and i wear a size 9)

We would walk into a shop, ask for what we were looking for, pick up the item, fit it, buy it and move on to the next shop. It was magical! No questions asked...we just accepted the grace of this gorgeous day and soaked in all the loveliness.

The funniest part of the day was at the end, when we were on our way out, Elizma and I were walking beside my mom, who was pushing the wheelchair with all the parcels in the chair!

Sometimes everything goes perfectly! xx

sweet saturday*

i woke up with sunshine streaming in from behind the curtains...a cup of tea next to my bed...i closed my eyes for a little while longer, when i heard our little man come running in with a 'this is for you mama, i love you mama' . He gave me a little pink flower that he picked from the garden. A few minutes later M3 come in with french toast...and a little munchin who tells me I'm done 'doedoes'.

today was a sweet day to soak in love...

it was a day to play in the dirt in the garden...

it was a day to play silly games...

to love...

to giggle...

later during the day the wind blew in the clouds...

which made it a good day to look for pictures in the clouds...

it was a day for listening to the raindrops on the roof...

it was a day to look at the birds bathing in the water puddles...

to do some more loving.

today was a sweet day.

my heart is overflowing,

all because of this cutie pie, his daddy

and the sweet sweet saturday.

hope your day was full of sweetness too xx

don't look away*

Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

I've been looking away from myself, trying to be that person everybody wants me to be.

I've been trying to be everyone's friend and a good business woman in the same breath.

I've tried to be objective despite my own opinion, not listening to my gut feeling.

I've been harsh and patient.

I've been open and quiet.

I've listened, guided, became overly excited to show them the road, forgetting that it is not for me to show.

I've stepped back.

I've stepped forward.

I've stopped.

Big things happened in between all of these, but still I did not stop to listen.

On Monday morning someone took a big bite out of me.

('the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you - Zig Ziglar)

And another. I was dumbstruck. I stepped back, (again), listened, made eye contact all the way through, came home and cried. I comforted myself within the self-pity (so shy to admit!).

Then, through the anger I became empowered.

Empowered to not look away, but to look deep within.

Empowered to not get angry, but to ask myself what is the lesson to learn.

Empowered to stand.

To be proud of who I am.

To open my heart

and my arms to the world.

To invite It in,

to call out and remind them

that I'm here for the taking.

Every inch of me.

This morning i decided to shine again.

To keep shining

and live life fully engaged!

* thank you to Christine for her very appropriate and wise words.

* thank you Maithri for always inspiring me and remind me that I am flying.

* thank you PixieDust for wishing for me.

* thank you Kateri for enlightening me with 'm a g i c a l' stories xx

10 things you didn't know...

about me...

1. Orange is my favorite color

2. when i look up, i see 'laugh, laugh, laugh'...then i giggle*

3. If I can choose... I would love to have 10 children one day! :-)

4. I'm easily inspired

5. In our family, I'm the emotional one...my brother calls me 'Emo'

6. These days I have a very 'I don't care' attitude (which is weird)

7. I never wore bright colors, because my dad didn't like it. The last 6 years I only wear red, orange, green, yellow, white and blue colors...

8. I love connection

9. When I'm scared, I get paralyzed and don't do anything

10. Since I'm cooking 'with love', my dinners taste delicious! Teehee xx

my rockstar*

my own little rockstar*

breathing out*

"Ego takes everything personally. Emotion arises, defensiveness, perhaps eve aggression.

Are we defending the Truth? No, the truth in any case needs no defence.

You are defending yourself or rather the illusion of yourself.

Light travels faster than sound - that is a fact.

The light or sound does not care about what you or anybody else thinks.

A New Earth - Echard Tolle

My best friend phones me every time when she at the airport, on her way somewhere. Yesterday she phoned to say she is flying to San Francisco for 2 weeks, one week to attend Burning Man and the other to just walk around this beautiful city.

I've been right smack down in the middle of my business, which is struggling. I get all caught up in all the business aspects, forgetting that life is sooo much more. This phone call opened me up, reminded me that there is a world out there, a world and life worth living! Your job, your business - that which you think is the centre of your 'life' does not matter at all in the big circle of life.

So, anyone joining me? We're jumping out into life! xx

i have to believe*

Sometimes our lives contract before they expand. We may be working hard on
ourselves spiritually, doing good in the world, following our dreams, and
wondering why we are still facing constrictions of all kinds—financial,
emotional, physical. Perhaps we even feel as if we’ve lost our spirituality
and are stuck in a dark room with no windows. We may be confused and
discouraged by what appears to be a lack of progress. But sometimes this is
the way things work. Like a caterpillar that confines itself to a tiny
cocoon before it grows wings and flies, we are experiencing the darkness
before the dawn.

When things feel tight, it’s easy to panic or want to act in some way to
ease the feeling of constriction. We might also spin our wheels mentally,
trying to understand why things are the way they are. However, there is
nothing we need to do at this time other than to be patient and
persevering. We can cling to the awareness that we are processing the shift
from one stage to another, and the more we surrender to the experience, the
more quickly we will move through the tightness into the opening on th
other side. Just like a baby making its way down the birth canal, we may
feel squeezed and pushed and very uncomfortable, but if we remember that we
are on our way to being born into a new reality, we will find the strength
to carry on.

Even as we endure the contractions, we can find peace within ourselves if
we remember to trust the universe. We can look to the natural world for
inspiration as we see that all beings surrender to the process of being
born. In that surrender, and in the center of our own hearts, is a
willingness to trust in the unknown as we make our way through the opening.

10 things i love sunday*

1o things i love on this beautiful sunday...

1. pj's...all day long!

2. M3 coming home tonight...i miss him

3. watching dvd's all morning long...(we rarely watch tv)

4. having tea and Marie biscuits for breakfast

5. friends...my magical and beautiful blogging friends...i feel loved!

6. silence...just the birds singing outside...i hear possibilities

7. the click-clack of our datchhund's toe nails on the wooden floors...as he just checks that we are still here...teehee

8. photos... memories.... love...

9. sunshine! Love.it.!

10. the word 'mama'... he is my little lovebomb!

PS: on a sidenote...just thinking about Kellen and my mom... the 22nd of August will always be one of the most special days to me.

it's the day a little boy jumped right into our hearts! Last week Saturday, Kellen has been with us for a year...it's also the day

we let my mom's spirit free in Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens...

spirit*

My mama....xx

life is sweet*

weekend routine...

*  wake up at 8am with a 'morning mama...klaar gedoedoes' (finish sleeping) 

*  kissing me until I get up to make porrigde...both of them...teehee

*  opening the curtains...sun streaming in....Africa! :-) 

*  hiding under the duvet, telling stories in our 'tent'

*  Then he will jump up, grab the brush and say 'dance'...which means... music! 

*  Then all 3 of us get up on the bed, 'mikes' in hand and sing and dance to the music! 

 

life is sweet...

what sweetness do you have in your life? 

let's travel*

Istanbul! I'll go to Istanbul. 

Where would you go? 

love thursday*

on this beautiful, rainy love thursday* i love...

*  clear blue skies

*  open roads

*  wind pumps

*  the Karoo

*  clear skies filled with stars 

*  the 'nothingness' of everything

*  dirt roads

*  music

*  Steers

*  spring time

*  frost

*  possibilities

*  love

*  thursdays

*  love thursdays* (teehee!) 

a full circle moment*

At this precise moment, with Kellen running ahead of us, stopping, looking around, laughing, calling 'come mama, come papa'... I looked over to M3, my heart exploding with joy and realized, this here, right now is a full circle moment for me! 

About 11 years ago, M3 and myself went away for a weekend. We were engaged at that stage and we stayed in Simons' Town for the weekend, playing golf and having delicious meals in town, being young and silly! :-) 

During our stay there we went to Boulder's Beach to look at the penguins.  Being oh! so very much in love with this man, we dreamed together of 'one day' when we have children to come show them the penguins, laughing and talking about what their reactions were going to be, not knowing at that stage that we were going to wait 9 years for our little boy.  

During the long wait, you forget about all the dreams that you had for your little ones.  You pray and hope, but never dare to dream about the dreams of when they are there. It hurts too much. 

Giggle* at this stage we had to protect the penguin, cause Kellen held his hand out and said: 'Come Penguin, bite me'  He (the penguin) just duck down and ran! 

Having a little boy, so full of heart and life! is the most amazing feeling, the most amazing experience I have ever had.  Hearing him laughing, calling me 'mama', realising that I've dreamed of this precise moment before, truly makes my heart go round and round.  

When last have you had a full circle moment? Cause they come in moments...that moment when you think...'aahhh...but i've been here...i know this feeling?' Do you dare to dream? 

“Ummon addressed the assembly and said, “I am not asking you about the days before the 15^th of the month.  But what about after the 15^th? Come and give me a word about those days.”  And he himself gave the answer for them:  “Every day is a good day.” – Blue Cliff Record, case 6 (from Momma Zen, Karen Maezen Miller). 

Every day is a good day!

whispers*

The past few weeks I've been thinking often about our life...my life...and the life of our son.  It has been busy, crazy busy.  A year ago I was thinking about what to do with my life, where am I going to, I had so much time on my hands.  Today, I won't change places with anybody in the world - I want to be right here, in my bed, beside my amazing husband...:-) giggle*...waking up with our little boy in between us! giggle* (I can just hear the advice/disapprovement of some.... smiling eyes*) 

I've been thinking and reading often about Rebekah's journey to becoming the mommy of Ty...and Denise's journey to her son Cedar...thinking about tiny, little babies...how different their journey must be compared to mine who became a mommy of an 'instant' 18 month old...whom is now 29 month's old. In a little bit over a month, Kellen will be living with us for a year...the thoughts and feelings around this benchmark is enormous, and even though it feels so enormously big, it is 

just ..

pure 

honest

wordless

love.  

Heart -to-heart,

connected, 

no words, 

too many thoughts.

just,

pure 

honest 

love.

This last week things have changed...Kellen is much more cuddly and snuggles up to me all the time.  When it is bedtime, he wants me to stay with him to cuddle...to whisper 'I love you's where as the past few months he fell  asleep on his own...he started brushing my cheek with his...and will stare into my eyes with such love...it feels as if he totally gets what I'm feeling.  He has this new thing - 'mama - hou maag vas' which means 'mama, put your arm around my tummy, hold me'. Sometimes he will lie facing me, placing his hands on my cheeks, brushing up and down...smiling at me...falling asleep....opening his eyes quickly..just to make sure he is still looking into my eyes'..teehee...i adore this little boy...

Maybe it is because nothing else matters.  When he looks into my eyes, the world can come to an end, he is all that matters at that precise moment.  'Living in the moment' has new meaning to me...Kellen is currently sleeping next to me in the bed.  We had dinner with my brother and sister-in-law and he wanted to fall asleep in our bed...in this moment it is the best place on earth. Right here, nestled underneath his mommy's wing...legs right against mine...cheek against my arm...his warm breath flowing into my heart with every breath...

Thinking of Denise now who wrote about mushy mommy brain when you get a baby...it happens when you get any age baby...I have random thoughts, all pure love for this little man who is right now moving over to his daddy, cuddling with him..it is only love. Looking at M3, the love he has for our little boy...M A G I C A L ! 

I believe in magic...

and angels...

HOPE is everywhere...

in our hearts...  

In the miracle that is he.

He has a way that he pouts his mouth when he sleeps...

no words...

just 

this overwhelming 

feeling 

of 

pure

love xx

best shot monday*

Tea...cupcakes...pearls...feathers....ties....giggles....

best shot monday*

Life is messy, but oh! so good!