Are you crazy?

One of the little girls my class is 5 years old and has Down Syndrome. Yesterday she disappeared to the bathroom. I went to check on her, peeped over the door and pulled a face (something I do to remind myself not to take life to serious!). 

She looked up at me, giggled and asked: "are you crazy?" 

5 years old. She just started to talk sentences. I have never heard her use/say the word crazy...sitting there...asking that question as if it is the most normal question to ask. 

It struck a chord within me, growing up this word was used around our house quite often.  I remember getting so upset when they used the word 'crazy' to describe someones' behaviour.  It was part of my life.  That question has been going through my mind since I've heard it.  Instantly my answer was "no, silly girl", but the more I thought about it, the more certain I became that I am. 

I am crazy....

about life!

my husband! 

little children

yellow! 

listening to people

photography!

nature! 

writing!

You!  

Travel! 

making a mess! 

Giggling!

Books! 

Reading! 

Sharing! 

Expressing myself! 

I am crazy in love with this gorgeous life that is now.  

How freeing to take a word, which has negativity attached to it and just make it crazy! beautiful! 

"Are you crazy?"

it was a great weekend for...gREEN*

*  watching how the grass has grown this winter...

*  basking in the sun...

*  hearing from friends who have been trying for 4 years to get pregnant...

    being pregnant with twins

*  cutting the grass....3 times over....the growth was tremendous! :-) 

*  having a 'braai'

*  getting all the laundry and ironing up to date :-) 

*  going on a 'bluebell walk'

*  running through the fields of grass

*  having discussions

*  listening to others...who is calling out to just tell their story...

*  watching the dogs playing

*  seeing all yellow! fields everywhere

*  wondering, with clarity, where your confusion about life sometimes comes from

*  looking at bluebells

*  knowing, at that moment, exactly which road to take...

*  not having the need to 'connect'...

*  enjoying being 'solo' for a few moments...

*  catching moments on camera

*  realising I'm living the life I dreamed off

This is also the start of color week from Leya...today is GREEN. Tomorrow is YELLOW....yummie!!!! 

What was great about your weekend? xx

*  i uploaded photos of my weekend...but somewhere something is not working...i get the idea someone is      trying to tell me something...

Love for Jenni*

I cannot say it any better than wonderful Meg...please read...

bid! pray! let everyone know...let's work together as friends to help Jenni. xx

Love for Jenni

Today is the start of a magical weekend. It is a weekend that already is brimming with love and community and kindness.

It is the start of the Bloggers for Jeni Auction. Please click over here to view some of the amazing objects in the store. There are beautiful prints offered by some talented Shutter Sisters. There are adorable baby clothes, a necklace made by Andrea,  beautiful hand carved wooden bowls, products to pamper oneself. There is one special offering for a comfy day with one of my favorite authors Karen Maezen Miller.  The auction will be up and running through Thursday May 1.

All of the money raised will go to support our dear friend Jennifer Ballantyne, a courageous cancer warrior and her 6 year old son Jack. Money will be used to help Jen get access to care not covered by insurance as well as provide a trust for little Jack, a charming boy who sings love songs to his mother each night.

Here are some things you can do to help spread the word and help us create some miracles for Jen and Jack:

1)  Go over to the auction, find something special and bid.

2)  Let friends and family know about the auction.

3)  If you blog, please post about the auction and include a link to it.

Wishing you a weekend full of miracles and magic.

Pangkor (part 1)

On a very cold and rainy day we left the UK for Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia..

we are on holiday! for 5 days! Just the two of us...

Flying above the clouds...triggering memories...dreams...

some that has been fulfilled....

reminding ourselves of those we are still dreaming...

After 13 hours flying, we openend the shutters to see the first of Malaysia...

the most beautiful sunrise....

reminding me that God will finish the beauty He has started in my...to the end. 

 He also said that it will not be an easy road, but He promised that He will always be right next to us, 

holding our hands... (these were the first thoughts when I saw the sunrise....)

BUT...

then my heart skipped a beat...

we are in a country I have never been before...

new people, cultures, scenery, way of living, food! 

I was so excited....I had to remember to breathe! 

Getting out of the air-conditioned taxi, 3 hours from KL, we arrived in Lumut. 

It was HOT! and HUMIT! The SUN was SHINING! Have to repeat: IT.WAS.HOT.AND.HUMIT! :-) 

Little pearls of sweat was running down my face...ME = HAPPY! 

We took a ferry from Lumut to Pangkor Island and at the hotel 

we were welcomed with flowers.

We stayed in a villa and had our own outside shower...

have you every showered 'outside' while there is a thunderstorm raging outside...

where you don't know if it is rain or water from the shower hitting your skin? 

I had to get into the sun..walking out of the our room, 

 we could see the see...a little bay...just for us...the beach strecthing out to the left, 

green palm trees....birds....feeling the heat! ...time was standing still...

sunshine! sea! trees! sand! someone you love...

what more do you want? 

Of course there was a spa...with relaxing massages...

women with hands who knows where to touch...

to feel extra relaxed...and pampered...and care free...

(walking past the spa every day with the 'curtains' blowing in the breeze, 

made me feel instantly relaxed...I felt calm....as if I'm floating...

but then again...we were on a beautiful island..

away from everyday life...

having time to just sit and listen...to just be)

to be quiet...and comfortable in the silence & beauty surrounding us...

I grew up swimming...for 5 whole days M3 and I swam. 

Bask in the sun..in the pool...we would run to the see...swim there for a few hours...

run back to the pool, jump in there....had lunch in the pool....and just swam! It was fabulous! 

I got the 'you have to put on sunscreen' talk every single day! 

I even had to swim in the shade! :-) 

I loved it!!!! (and him!) :-) 

The views were incredible...from every angle.  

I think I can say we lived in the water for 5 days...:-) 

No, we did go on an adventure around the island...

But the WATER and SUN featured EVERY day! 

(just thinking...a thought that came up everyday was: 

'i cannot believe we choose to stay in a country 

where it is cold and rainy for 9 months of the year!)

We went for long walks on the beach...and played some more. 

This photo is me going back to the years we met...1992....

16 years together...me and my highschool sweetheart...:-) (swooonnnnn)

the best part...everyday that we are together....I love him more! 

I think this photo would sum up our holiday...for me it was a few days to just be with him...

talking...laughing...being silly...

re-focusing to why we are where we are...and where we are going to...

remembering that WE are what it all is about....

not work! not people! not all the other everyday stuff...but US.  

We matter. Every single day. 

Getting back from the beach...a ritual washing the sand off our feet...

letting go of all we don't want...keeping what matters, those that we treasure....

making space for the new things...

making space for us xx

Every afternoon just before 4pm the clouds will move in...

a little breeze will come up....

it got hotter and more humid! 

The thunder start striking.

We sat in anticipation watching the beauty playing off in front of us! 

Every afternoon...washing off the heat...the dirt...

the sometimes sadness of things you have lost, 

never received, 

letting go of loss.

 

Just being. 

In love. 

Loving.

Living. 

Breathing...

Breathing in the 'freshness' 

of new things...

of existing things...

breathing in life!

 

*I've been having trouble uploading photos...so this post is not exactly what I wanted to do. 

we*

don't have to 

read books, 

write journals, 

to think.

we don't have to 

wait, 

expect, 

try, 

or even do.

we already, 

are beautiful, 

intelligent, 

wild! :-) 

we are

accepted, 

successful,

creative ,

loved and 

alive.

we already

are enough. 

All we have 

to do is

LIVE. 

surrounded*

When I started to blog, I've felt extremely alone...

 

I felt sad, different, lost!

Then I met BEAUTIFUL, gorgeous, intelligent, 

courageous, artistic, loving, gentle, kindred souls...

They reminded me of my dreams, 

of dreaming wild and passionate dreams, 

following my heart, 

being true to myself...

they reminded me: I am enough...

I realised all of us are 

going through the same things, 

on different levels, 

we are all living this magical thing called LIFE! 

I'm surrounded by beauties who dances 

with me this dance called life...

My friends hold my hand tight while dancing, 

they hug my heart...look me in my eyes, 

reminding me of my beauty!  

Even though we are all the same, 

we are so different....

Some days we feel scattered, 

some of us are hiding, 

some blooming, 

some laying down to rest, 

others jumping up and down, 

we are playing, 

laughing, 

crying, 

wishing, 

doing, 

being,

surrounded by friends

who are living this life right next to us. 

never alone.

"When the heart weeps for what it has lost, 

the spirit laughs for what it has found."

-Sufism-

silence*

'Beginner's mind. 

Open mind. 

Open heart.

See the world, your life and your work with wonder and awe. 

Breathe deeply into your body, 

your lungs 

your internal organs 

The oxygen is giving you fuel. 

It's bathing the body with energy. 

What more could you possibly desire?"

from Writing begins with the breath by Laraine Herring

About a month ago I went for shiatsu with a new practitioner I don't know. I felt unsure not knowing him, and opening my heart to whatever there was to work with.  He was gentle, kind and soft-hearted. 

Whenever I feel unsure, my neck turns red with spots on...this is something I want to let go off....the uncertainty when I actually know in my heart I'm enough...

Yesterday I read about Terri's silent retreat.....last night I read about Christianne's 'listen to the quiet'.  

I also read the journey Megg is having with her body.

After the shiatsu session Charlie asked me if he could ask me THE question...on which I just laughed (defence) and ask but what is the question.  He asked: "is there a part of your body that you don't like?" I just replied (with a smile): yes, but don't we all not like a part of ourselves? And why would he ask that? 

He said:  "your energies are divided. you are not centered". 

I just smiled (wanted to burst out in tears) and said maybe I'm 'coming back', because a year back just before we moved to England I went for my usual shiatsu back home, my practitioner was upset for days because he could not feel/sense any of my energy anywhere in my body.  (that was  my way of shutting down to prepare me for the move and change...)

Charlie gave me homework....

• breathing exercises... breathing in deeply through my nose, and out through my mouth focussing on the centre point where my breaths centre, 
• walking on pebbles (which will open my heart) 
• looking in the mirror, telling myself how much I love me
• sitting in silence...

I told Charlie that it is good - I'll do it. Just 10 minutes every day, for I really want to let go of whatever there is to let go of. I said: 'I just want to be free'.  He replied with a smile: "but you already are". 

I ponder and re-think and wonder about things happening in my life - especially in my heart...and don't always write about it as that makes it really real for me.  It's been more than a month now, and Charlie' words are talking to me, together with these beautiful writings on being silent...I want to say 'it is time'...I have said that before. Maybe I just take longer to realise what all this means for me. 

I have not either done any of these exercises... I will start... and then just let it go to go do something else... to just sit and breath with concentration can be quite difficult? 

Being on holiday is great... I just went for a 90 minute 'Life Spa Ritual Massage', which is 'inspired by generations of healing traditions, this holistic treatment is a rhythmic blend of Balinese, Thai, Hawaiian Iomi Iomi and Shiatsu Massage that stiumlates energy flow by increasing blood circulation'. 

I want to be still. 

I want to center my breathing.

I want to love myself... all of it. 

I want to be centered. 

It is time. I am listening. xx

bliss*

I'm sitting in the lobby and this photograph is my view. Whenever I look up and see this jungle of trees, palm trees, green green everywhere, it takes my breath away! 

M3 is here for a 2 day team building/workshop and I pickled along...for yet another place I have not been. It is amazing. The palm trees and really HIGH and old trees everywhere...it truly takes my breath away...I always wonder if other people still sees this beauty! 

Last night the whole 20 of them (and me:-) went up to the 'town'. We drove into a thunderstorm, which was scary and great all at once, and then all of sudden we were on top of the hill...above the thunderstorm...(the bus driver did not want to stop so that I could take photos....too dangerous?!).  As I exit the bus....I stopped and looked...the top of the clouds were bright white....with the sun, goldening the edges of the clouds...looking up into a clear-blue sky! 

Since being back on the main land (will tell you about our 'holiday' on Pangkor island when we are back)....I've had internet access (yayyy) and realised how much I miss 'talking' to all of you...yes you! But together with being slightly 'addicted' to this silly and wonderful thing called blogland, I've realised how much easier it is to give myself permission to just be...when I'm "on holiday".  I would love to have this feeling of utterly bliss in my everyday life. Reading some of your entries yesterday, it suddenly dawned on me that we all try so hard to 'just be', that instead of being, we try and do and learn and always evolving to be better human beings...whereas if we would just sit still and appreciate that very moment...life will be blissful. 

I'm saying goodbye right now...to look and admire this jungle in my eye's view...leaving you with this.....

just sit...

close your eyes...

feel thankful/greatful for just being...

here...

in this moment...

right now. 

Can you feel the 'bliss'? xx  

travelling*

We are time travelling...xx

pssstttt*

tomorrow morning @ 8am we are on our way to the airport...

for 10 days of SUN!

Staying in this beautiful villa

HEAT! 

Thunderstorms @ 4pm every single day. 

and SEA!

LOVE! 

and giggles! 

Baths under the stars...

talking and laughing...

being silly and young...

together with my best friend and partner....

the best part....

to be alone, 

with him. 

Just the two of us. 

new york*

We drove up to Alderley Edge this weekend to visit with my beautiful friend Ane. Whenever I visit with her it is a journey of journeys...going places...through photographs....paintings....memories.....books...

Today we went to New York...neither of us have been there... we were planning...and dreaming... giggling...and laughing out loud...for one day we will be there...on this exact same spot...with a real photo...until then imaginings will be on top of our visits...for real....she is flying to the Dominican Republic tomorrow...and we are flying to Malaysia on Tuesday...what are we going to have in common? Above 30 degrees celcius! :-)

New York, New York!

spring*

Spring is in the air!